Letting Go

[Tre V]

I need to vent a little. Maybe it's just me   , or maybe it's just them!  
   Some time ago I made a panel as a gift to an organization where my husband and I had worked. It was meant in appreciation for the folks who still work there, and to recognize a difficult job done every day. I gave it as a gift, but I'm having a hard time letting go. It has never been displayed, and I have never been sent an acknowledgement of the gift. After a year, I sent an e-mail to the person who was to take charge of displaying it, in essence saying that gifts are funny, sometimes you get a winner and sometimes you get Great Aunt Edna's stuffed iguana, and if it didn't fit into the department's agenda and they didn't want it, they could return it. He assured me that it was welcomed and appreciated and would soon be hung. Now a year later, still no stained glass panel hung for the folks that it was meant for.
     I know that I gave it as a gift, so it's not "mine" any more and I should let go, but I'm really struggling with it..
     Input?    

[Anne]

I have to think I'd feel the same way Tre. Is there anyone else there that you could ask about it?  I'd be hard pressed to just let it go too.

[Tre V]

I have to think I'd feel the same way Tre. Is there anyone else there that you could ask about it?  I'd be hard pressed to just let it go too.

  Yes, but I hate to feel like a nag, and I'm really wrestling with myself whether to just forget about it..

[Anne]

yeah, but it's a year ago since you asked them, I don't think that makes you a nag. Wasn't it two years ago you made this and gave it to them?

[ct4mom]

Tre. Its not the fact of letting go, it the fact that you cared enough to share something of yourself. I have had the same situation with one of my DIL. I made a lamp  shade and a fan lamp (my son picked the designs and colors for her) for their wedding shower and to this day never seen them. Asked my son about them and the lamp appeared in his computer room, but havent seen the fan lamp...She probably destroyed it as she hates dealing with our family...I never get to see my granddaughter unless my son brings her alone which is not often...         for my vent Tre, but you should at least find out why the people who deserve to see the panel can.

[Stephen Richard]

My granddaughter made some glass items in my studio and subsequently gave it to one of her school friends.  She was hurt when that friend gave it to yet another person. 
I told her that it was a hard lesson, but when you give something as a gift you no longer own it in anyway and the new owner can do what ever they want.  If you really liked the piece you should not have given it away.  After a few more sniffs she said she understood.  She has since stopped trying to buy friendship with gifts.

So my moral is when you give something, you give it away.  No ownership physical or emotional remains.

[Tre V]

Yes, Stephen Richard, that's what my brain says... it's my heart that's giving me fits..I have a hard time separating the two :)

[JudyK]

Tre, I am sorry you are hurting over this.

The glass is just stuff. What you were giving was your appreciation to your fellow workers, your friends. And you wanted to make them know how much you appreciated and understood how much they gave of themselves everyday. The window hanging there would have done that to some extent. And they probably know the window was given, so they know you love them. Original purpose fulfilled!

On going purpose, feels like a slap in the face by the one responsible for not hanging it. It makes you feel like you did not / do not matter. Maybe the hurt is so deep, because while working there you felt unappreciated too. In which case, the window reaffirms this. Which is why you made the window for your friends in the first place.

If this is true. Accept it! You can not change it and letting it continue to hurt you is not productive. You are free of the place, and your pain is not affecting the guilty. For your old friends..... send then encouraging cards regularly. Maybe stop by with candy for Christmas and pass it out with a smile, yourself. Maybe if you are seen on site smiling they will hand you the window, or a drill and hooks. Kill them with kindness.

Let the window go. We have enough baggage to carry through life. Focus on the sweet people and friendships. Good Luck, this is much easier said than done. Don't bother becoming bitter toward the person responsible for disrespecting you, either. They are not worth the energy and it will not change them, only you.

 

[Kev]

I'm afraid I would be pissed off as well, and I'd be telling them if they don't really want it, no hard feelings, but you will gladly take it off their hands.

[Tre V]

Judy , that's it on the money...thanks :)

[Tom]

I disagree with letting it go, but I can and am a kind of hard azz.  Let the other workers know that this has happened and though you thoroughly enjoyed working with them you were somewhat disappointed your gift was not displayed for their benefit.  If 2 or 3 of them cant get the person to display it, tell them that you would like to get it back so someone else can enjoy it.  Then you can either give it to someone who does enjoy it, or donate it to your favorite charity.  Even if the charity were to auction it off, at least you know the money they received was for a good purpose in their organization.

I know I am probably on the wrong side of the fence here, but this is what I would do.  Who knows, maybe that guy stole it for his own use!  Time for something to be done.  There is no need for you to bury your feelings on this in my opinion.  Get it displayed or get it back!

   something got done, one way or the other!

[Tre V]

Tom, I'm not sure the workers even know it exists... and they were the ones it was meant for..Maybe some discreet inquiries are called for  :)

[Kev]

He might very well have taken it home for himself and that's why it was never displayed.

[Anne]

..Maybe some discreet inquiries are called for  :)

Yes, I still think so Tre!.

[Becki]

I think you have to question your reason for giving this gift.  You clearly enjoyed creating it and you clearly wanted to make a gift of it. Did you give it because it made you feel good to do so or to receive accolades and praise?  I think you should hold on to the joy you got from creating and giving the gift and let the rest go.  Should they have hung the piece?  Yes, but for whatever reason they didn’t. Should you have at least received an acknowledgment or a thank you for it? Yes, but that’s just bad manners.  Hang on to the good stuff and let go of the bad.  You’ll be the bigger person for it.
That being said....a little undercover work couldn’t hurt either!  ;)

[glassman52]

          Years ago I made medium to large jewelry boxes with mirrors and drawers along with lamps, ornaments and mirrored panels and gave all as gifts. It saved me from buying presents and they were all well appreciated at the time of their receiving, but I wonder how many, if any still have those items. I see home made stained glass items in the thrift stores all the time.(what a tragic ending) It's kind-a sad but that's the way it seems to go. When my Mom passed we found one of those jewelry boxes that I had given her way back when. Now I have it again and I can't say that I would really want any of it back once I've given it away.
           
           

[JoanFrances]

Tre, I too believe that you should ask the other people in the department if they even knew about the gift.  If they didn't then I would push it because it was meant for them and not the person you handed it to.  Beyond that I don't know what you can do.

[Audrey]

Tre, I would feel the same way you do, but hanging on to the hurt is only affecting YOU, not them. It can even cause physical issues. You might ask about it one more time since it has been so long since you last did, then try to let it go.

[Tre V]

Thanks everyone...some very insightful input.. XOXO

[JudyK]

Good Luck! And Merry Christmas